Friday, April 16, 2010


Here is a funny list a few triathlete friends and I put together a couple years back.

You know you need help with your swimming when ...

At the pool
- You find out the pool is unexpectedly closed and feel a sense of relief.
- You begin swimming and the lifeguards move closer to your lane.
- The first drill your swim instructor has you do is blow bubbles.
- The instructor looks very concerned when you tell him the tri swim length is 750 meters.
- A little kid wearing floaties can get to the other side of the pool faster than you can.
- You get lapped by the 80 year old woman doing the doggy paddle.
- People offer you swim advice without you asking.
- Someone asks you to share a lane with you and you get the urge to cut your workout short.
- You do kickboard drills and find yourself going backwards.
- You wonder if your swimmer friends are secretly part fish. You wonder if you are secretly part rock.
- The masters swim coach puts you in your own lane and then looks lost for ideas on what to do with you.
- You swim one lap at a masters swim group and everyone else is on their third or fourth lap.
- You don't know the length of the pool you're swimming in and can't tell from your swim times.
- You're not exactly sure how long you're resting at the sides of the pool but all of it counts as swimming.

Before a race
- You get an ear infection two days before your triathlon and hope your doctor will prescribe no swimming for a week.
- You hope the weather forecast will call for lightening the morning of your race so that the swim leg will be canceled.
- You wonder why you look for excuses not to participate in your triathlon. You KNOW you're doing it regardless.

During a race:
- The horn blows to start your triathlon, you swim a few strokes and then think...I'm tired of swimming...where's the end of the course?
- Swim caps from the next wave start passing you in droves. The only person not passing you is floating on his back.
- You dogpaddle your way out to the swim buoy in the lake only to panic halfway there and need to be helped in.
- You are on a first name basis with the canoe guy at the end of your swim leg.
- NO ONE in the water with you is wearing your color swim cap.
- Leaky goggles and losing your swim cap are the least of your worries during the swim.
- When you see the swim finish, you think you've made it to the gates of heaven.
- You get the most applause of the day when you finally emerge from the water, and it is all from the rescue crews. (Everyone else has moved on to the bike course)
- Your idea of a successful swim is not the swim time, but rather the fact that you SURVIVED the swim.
- If it weren't for the swim portion, you'd be a decent triathlete.

So if any of these hit home, you are not alone. Keep working at it and stay tuned for the new date for the second swim clinic!

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